How Can Caregivers Find Support During Oncology Treatment?

In the landscape of oncology care, the patient’s well-being is paramount, but often overlooked is the experience of the caregiver. As Kelly Dyckman, MSW, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker at Navesink Wellness Center, explains, a caregiver's role is "extraordinarily difficult," requiring a constant balancing act between their own emotions and the emotional and physical needs of a loved one. This duality makes burnout and emotional exhaustion almost inevitable. While resources for patients are well-known, Dyckman stresses that caregivers must understand that support systems are also available for them, and utilizing them is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Dyckman asserts that a caregiver’s emotional state directly impacts the patient they are trying to protect. Stress, anxiety, and frustration will inevitably surface, and the patient will feel their effects. The choice, she argues, is between a reactive or a proactive approach to these emotions. A proactive strategy—addressing feelings before they accumulate—tends to lead to better outcomes. By utilizing therapy or other support resources, caregivers can process their difficult emotions in a safe space, preventing them from manifesting as destructive behaviors, like lashing out at a loved one or a child.

She challenges the common but misguided belief that being "strong enough" means it will not impact you. On the contrary, a true demonstration of strength is processing these emotions rather than resisting them. By actively supporting yourself, a caregiver is better equipped to support the patient and avoid the negative ripple effects of burnout. This proactive self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for anyone in the caregiving role.

Transcript:

Being a caregiver is an extraordinarily difficult role, because not only are you balancing your emotions, but you are also balancing the emotions and the well-being of someone else who means a great deal to you. It’s this constant divide, constant duality, all at the same time. I cannot emphasize enough that while resources for patients exist, they also exist for caregivers, that there is no shame or harm in utilizing therapy, utilizing your own support to process your own experience.

Although you are not necessarily the one carrying the diagnosis, you are also a part of what’s happening, and because of that, you are in many ways better off in supporting that patient by addressing your own concerns. If you do not, I can guarantee you it’s inevitable that they are going to come up. On days if you are more stressed, more anxious, [and] more frustrated by what’s happening, the person are trying to protect is still going to feel that.

What I am getting at is we can either wait for the emotions to pop up on their own, or we can be proactive in addressing them. That tends to be the better outcome. Why? Because there can be safety in exploring the different emotional experiences you have as a caregiver without your behavior speaking for you. Nobody wants to be the one who loses their temper with the person going through chemotherapy. Nobody wants to be the one who snaps at their kids because they left their shoes in the hallway again. But really, it’s not the shoes. It's about the fact that you're on the phone with doctors all day long. We know these things can happen. Let’s get ahead of them. Let’s not wait for things to accumulate. Let’s utilize the resources that are available, or if you do not know what’s available, having the conversation about what can be any time cancer is happening to someone you care about, it's impossible that that won't impact you in some way.

Instead of creating the idea that it’s never going to impact you. “I am strong enough that it will not impact [me]”. It’s going to impact you. A demonstration of strength can be processing the emotions you are having in relation to the events, as they are resisting that is only going to exacerbate and increase the issue. Supporting yourself is one of the best ways you can support any patient.